Multi-colored lights zooming and swirling.  Cheap fake flower arrangements.  A hidden DJ blasting inappropriately cliché love songs.  All attention focused on the one couple who were lucky enough to get chosen.  There are some people at the front of the crowd, soaking up every minute, every sparkle, every photographic moment.  There are those in the back of the crowd, apathetic, texting on their phones, checking their makeup, or sneaking out for a cigarette.  

Homecoming?  Maybe Prom?

No.  A Korean wedding.  

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Before summer vacation, a fellow co-teacher, Ju-Yeong, and I were discussing our summer vacation plans.  

Me:  ”Are you going anywhere for summer vacation?”
Ju-Yeong: “Oh no, I am just staying in Daegu.  My mother wants me to find a husband!” 
Me:  *chuckle*

Fast-forward.  Summer vacation is over.  I receive an envelope on my desk with a wedding invitation.  ”Who is getting married?” I wonder.   It is Ju-Yeong.  She obviously got to work over summer vacation and found herself a husband.

Okay, so in all actuality, they had been dating for a year or so, and she has known the man since they were young teenagers.  However, the speed at which they decided to get engaged and married was amazing.

I was really excited about this wedding because it would be my first wedding in Korea.  I had heard from friends that Korean weddings are….. strange… so I was looking forward to this new ethnic discovery.   

I was told that Ju-Yeong would be having two weddings:  first, a “Western” wedding, including the long white dress and walking down the aisle stuff.  Following, she would have a traditional Korean wedding with the traditional hanbok.  Reception was to follow. 

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Day of the wedding, I get dressed up (well dressed up for me at least), and my co-teacher Young-Eun picks me up.  We drive to a building at Jukjeon called Alliance.  Aptly named, because it is one of the most popular wedding halls in Daegu.  As in, weddings are ALL they do.  As we search for parking, I notice that there are an absurd amount of people.  Does Ju-Yeong really know all these people?!?

No.  I realized this as I walked in Alliance and had to scan a board for the correct floor.  There were TEN other weddings going on at the same time, all in different halls/floors of the Alliance building.  We ascended the escalators to the correct floor.  It is loud, noisy, swarmed with people as you might expect a large conference or banquet hall. We squeeze pass the masses to try and find Ju-Yeong.  Prior to the wedding, the bride is seated in a small sitting room where guests can line up to take their picture with the bride.   Pretty cool right?  I like that.  After getting our photo with Ju-Yeong, we approach the groom who looks dapper in his black suit and white gloves.  Next, is the “gifts table.” Traditionally, Koreans do not give weddings “gifts” per say…. they give money.  We joined the line to grab an envelope.  Young-Eun and I each put in 30,000 won in our envelope and wrote our name.  We then went to another desk to give our envelope.  Our names and the amount we gave was recorded in a book.  Then we were handed a meal ticket (this will come back up later).

With business all taken care of, we entered the wedding hall.  What takes place from here on out is a combination of weird, normal, and even weirder yet.  

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(Blurry picture of the wedding hall sans the neon lights)

Weird #1:  There might have been 100 chairs lining the aisle…. but there were about 300 people milling around.  Logistically, most people would have to stand for the ceremony.  

Weird #2:  There were small girls, probably around 4 or 5 years old,  singing and dancing to children’s songs at the front.  Super cute. (I learned later they were from her church group).  I guess they were the pre-show entertainment.

Weird #3:  Granted this was obviously not a church, but everyone was just milling around, talking to others, talking on their phones, etc.

Normal #1:  Ju-yeong takes her place at the back of the aisle.  A wedding planner/friend of sorts, fluffs her dress and makes sure her veil falls correctly.  

Normal #2:  Ju-Yeong’s mother and the groom’s mother come together at the front, by the altar.  From one candle, they both lit their respective candelabras, showing the new unity of the two families.  

Weird #4:  Colorful neon lights flash and zoom aroudn the room (think “nightclub”) and an upbeat, funky, retro Korean song blares on the speakers.  This is the groom’s entrance music.  He jaunts down the aisle and bows to Ju-Yeong’s family, his family, the minister, and then to the crowd.  Disco music ends.

Weird #5:  A number of spotlights swivel to focus on the patiently-waiting, beautiful Ju-Yeong. Her father is now at her side to walk her up the aisle.   The ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ are cut by the belting of a familiar voice.  ”I’m your laaaaddddaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy.  And you are myyyy maaaaaaaaannnnn…..”  

WHAT THE…?!?!!  The groom’s disco music had me chuckling, but the blaring Celine Dion had me in disbelief.  

The music continued for her short walk to the altar, and the neon lights were still zooming and twirling.

The rest of the wedding followed pretty normally (if you consider 15 minutes normal).

Weird #6:  In Korea, the wedding minister can be anyone.  Literally anyone.  It’s usually a respected older person like a grandfather, boss, business owner, school principal, etc.  They need no prior certification or “invested power.”  

(At the “altar” with their “minister”… and the videographer)

Weird #7:  After the vows, the groom said “내”, yes, but with so much force and resolve that it sounded like he was obeying a military order.   Ju-Yeong gracefully bowed at the end of her vows.

After the vows were finished, the happy couple faced the crowd.  This is where “traditionally” (in Korea), friends or family will perform a song or dance to honor the new couple.  A song was performed by Ju-Yeong’s church choir, and a song/dance was performed by some of our middle school students.

Weirdest part is yet to come…….

Weird #8:  After the song-and-dance, a large wedding cake was wheeled out in front of the couple.  Right there, in the wedding hall aisle, the bride and groom cut their cake.  No flirty feeding it to each other though…. the cut was a joint-venture made with a machete and a decidedly firm cut down the middle.  

Then it was over.  Westlife’s “My Love” came on the speakers and the couple walked out the aisle.  Neon lights, spotlights, tacky music… even friends with those confetti popper things.  

Wedding?  Finished.  

(Traditional Korean photo of Ju-Yeong and her husband)

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Remember the meal tickets we got when we turned in our envelope full of money?  Oh yes, those are for the “reception.”  In the basement of the Alliance building are enormous buffets, multiple rooms, hundreds of tables…. for everyone.  I mean everyone in the building.  If you got a meal ticket from any one of the 10 weddings happening upstairs, you could eat here.  Some people even ate before the wedding.  You would be mingled in with guests from other weddings.  This “reception” was not attended by the bride or groom.  Young-Eun and I situated ourselves in a room where we found some other teachers from our school.  On the upside, there was unlimited free soju, beer, and soda, free to grab at your own will.  The food was actually quite delicious and had plenty of variety.  

But nonetheless, the “wedding reception” wasn’t a reception at all.  It was more like a “hey thanks for giving us money, there’s food downstairs.”

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I’ve been to big, fancy weddings with 300 guests.  I’ve been to weddings with smaller parties.  Each provides their own pros and cons, but the brevity and impersonality of this whole wedding made me feel like I had just watched an exhibit at the Natural History Museum… not like I had attended the joining of two people in holy matrimony.  

It left me in awe.  At the tackiness?  At the brevity?  At the neon lights?  At the god-awful music?  At the bastardization of western wedding traditions?  I’m not sure.