For many years, I’ve known that I was different than most my friends.

• Their blaring stereos in their cars would physically hurt my ears, while no one else seemed to mind at all.
• Certain movie theaters (especially IMAX theaters) cause me to go into a panic attack.  Seeing Inception in the IMAX was one of the most painful experiences.  
• I must sleep with a fan or humidifier to provide white noise for me to sleep.  
• I have relegated myself to sleeping with earplugs every night, even in my own home.  I find it near impossible to fall asleep otherwise.  
• My cat’s meows, adorable as they are, are sometimes enough to send me over the edge.
• The shrieks and laughs of students.  The desks scratching on the tile floors.  The settling of students in their chairs.  The one kid whispering in the back of the room.

All of these things are magnified for me.  These sounds physically effect me.   I find my heart beating and throat tightening as I walk down the hallways in my school; my head ringing with pain; wincing at every sharp noise. 

 These are not merely pet peeves… They cause physical and psychological reactions.  Sometimes so severe that I snap/yell or shut myself out completely. It drives me to the point of anger and near-violence.  I am constantly apologizing to my co-teacher Paul for constantly being crabby, snappy, and drowning myself in headphones.  Panic attacks keep me from going to physical therapy;  instead I find haven in my mostly quiet apartment where I can put in my earplugs…. yes even during the daytime.

After doing extensive research, I have come up with my own temporary self-diagnosis:  Misophonia, or literally “hatred of sound.”  

What’s frustrating however, is not only how hard it is to diagnose, but how rarely doctors even try to diagnose it.  Some doctors don’t even believe that it’s a true condition, let alone how to diagnose it.  It’s truly a misunderstood condition, even though there are millions with Misophonia and the closely related tinnitus and Hyperacusis.  

So what to do?  I‘m not sure.   Not much is known about Misophonia, and no cures have been found.  Most treatments include psychiatry and learning coping mechanisms. Of course anti-anxieties can be prescribed for the panic attacks.  

While I appreciate that medical attention is so widely available and affordable in Korea, there are many services that simply cannot be offered to foreigners because of the lack of English.  It’s hard to find a good therapist in your own country, let alone trying to find one in a foreign-tongued country.  I am lucky that I live just a block away from what I call the “Medical Corner,” which hosts just about every medical discipline you can think of — from MDs to Obesity Clinicians, from Ortho Surgeons to Aesthetic Dermatologists. 

I am going to a General Physician today after school, hoping for some guidance to either an ENT or Audiologist.  Hopefully the MD can point me in the right direction and hopefully come to an official diagnosis.